It’s the question that has gone unanswered since Jesus first debated it with Abraham: how much does drinking actually impair your driving skills? Now is the time to answer it, through the most accurate of measurements: Wii Mario Kart!
We measured three players while sober, with around .04% blood alcohol content (BAC,) and around .08% BAC. This all occurred on the “Mall” level. The results are interesting…
Player
0 BAC
0.04 BAC
0.08 BAC
Avg Time
Andrew
3:45
3:36
3:36
3:39
Mike
3:26
3:22
3:22
3:23
Remi
3:35
3:23
3:23
3:27
Averages
3:35
3:27
3:27
3:30
The results are interesting! Notice that we completed the courses quicker across the board with alcohol in the blood, and all three of us had the same times with .04 and .08 BAC.
So what is the conclusion? Drinking and driving is obviously faster, and should be encouraged! (But only in video gaming, kids.)
Some other numbers, outside of the actual experiment:
Closest race: Becky VS Remi, where the best man (that would be me) won by one second. (3:31)
Best racer: Mike, averaging 3:23.
Worst racer: Geneva, averaging 3:52. (Probably not below 0.04 BAC at any point, however.)
Oh yes, we’re doing it again; the second Booze Walk is happening August 15th.
If you haven’t received an invite through Facebook it’s, a) because we don’t like you, or b) we don’t have your Facebook information, or c) we forgot about you! Hey, it happens, there are lots of names to keep track of! Leave a comment right here if you feel it’s one of the two latter, and we’ll get you set up.
You know, I went drinking with Mr. Zahler last night, and I’ve never seen anybody quite as shitfaced on white wine like he was anywhere else ever. And Paul is out! Go for it, Andrew.
It is with a good portion of shock and awe that we received word (from two sources no less) that you are, indeed, out of the contest. Because of a Kirkland Weightloss Shake no less. Wow! How the mighty have fallen!
When all is said and done, however, we would like to get a confirmation from you about all of this. It might be for the vast bureaucracy behind the scenes here at hipasfuck.com, it might be because we want to rub it in your face. Who knows?!
The thing is, Mariah, if you do not confirm or deny these allegations, we will have to disqualify you. Can you imagine the shame?! Therefore we strongly recommend that you fess up, and let the people know the true story here.
Hey baby, why don’t we slow things down just a little bit. Man can’t live on De Leon alone, you know? Sometimes he needs something a little bit sweet in his life. So why don’t we spend some time together.
Soundtrack: Hall & Oates Catering: Alison from Mizuna Slow-motion enjoyment of the best cheesecake you’ve never had: Me
